Can’t Call (Poker-Themed Parody of “That’s All” by Genesis)

Regular picnics sometimes have a little bit of singing and maybe some friendly card-playing. At hardcore picnics, the card-playing is a bit less friendly. It’s poker for money, and even though rain might ruin the cards, and the wind might blow them away, the game goes on.

Also, while in regular picnics the song choices tend to be safe ones that everyone can sing along to, this is not the case at a hardcore picnic. When poker’s being played at a hardcore picnic, the song is about poker, even though only one person at the picnic knows the words, and that person can’t sing nearly as well as 80’s Phil Collins and therefore takes at least a few seconds to get anywhere close to being on key. Also, there is no background music. But the person doing the singing tries, because at a hardcore picnic there are no other options.

This is a video of me trying to sing the song I wrote about failing at poker, with the lyrics directly below the video:

I like my cards and I thought that I would
Put more in the pot, but I know I’m no good
I just got burned by a bad turn
Can’t call

I wanna play, not with this
So many outs, and each one of them missed
At this point I just have ace high
Can’t call

I could call but I would lose
All I’ve got’s a pair of twos
Calling here would mean I’ve loosened all my screws

And this time I flopped a set of threes
There’s four to a flush, a straight is likely
The river card means it’s not hard
Can’t call

Cards in my hand, cards in the muck
I’m getting mocked, they say “cluck, cluck, cluck.”
What can I do? The dealer seems useless
All the time

Put in a raise, and I get three-bet
I have good cards, alas the board is too wet
Keep up this pace and I will be wasting
My last dime

I can’t call so I will fold
I wish I had a hand to hold
But my three five off is the opposite of gold

I’ve got a good kicker with top pair
The other guy shoved, that just is not fair
Got fifty big blinds, so I’m resigned
Can’t call

Some might hero call
That is not me at all
With three overcards to pocket tens
Some are river rats
But I do not do that
I keep drowning at the river bend

I know this could be a bluff
But my pair is not enough
If I’m wrong my stack will vanish like a puff

Now I’ve got a slowly shrinking stack
I’ve gotta play hands to get my chips back
But all of the game this stays the same
Can’t call

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